They will eat you.

After reading up on some voodoo material for an upcoming post last night I kind of got a hankering for some zombies. So I watched the 1979 Italian flick Zombie for the first time. I remembered this movie because of the great tag line “We Are Going To Eat You,” but for some reason always blew it off as a cheap Romero rip off. What a complete dope I was.

Zombie was directed by Lucio Fulci and starred Tisa Farrow(yes, sister of Mia) and UK born actor Ian McCulloch. And speaking of zombie master himself, George Romero, Zombie was actually titled Zombie 2 in Italy, stealthily trying to position itself as a sequel so as to capitalize on the success of Dawn of the Dead which was titled Zombi in Italy. Did you get all that?

Okay on with the plot. It begins on an abandoned boat in New York which really isn’t abandoned at all. One of the largest zombies I’ve ever seen chows down on a New York cop who goes below deck to investigate. After it’s established who the boat belongs to we meet the daughter of the boat’s owner. She quickly teams up with a journalist to find out what happened to her missing father and why there was a calorically challenged zombie on board. Then it’s off to a voodoo infested island in the Antilles. This is where the real gore begins. Now this isn’t Saw or Hostile style gore, but it’s enough that you shouldn’t really try and consume a dinner while viewing. Which…yes, I did. Not good.

Aquaman Zombie prepares for a fresh sushi snack.

Earlier today we saw the report of a UFO caught with a camera in San Francisco. According to the official testimony from the MUFON database the image was captured on March 8, 2009 while shooting some pics on a trip to San Francisco. Later while reviewing the photos the photographer noticed the UFO next to the City Hall dome. The witness also stated that other photos had been taken but the UFO did not appear in them. And for you camera buffs, they reportedly used a SONY model DSC-W90.

Anyway, we started looking at this photo this afternoon and something just didn’t feel right. We blew the thing up really tight and there is some strange stuff going on. First of all there’s some really strange artifacts showing up around the alleged UFO. It’s very square and almost looks like it was cut and paste. But hey, you be the judge. It’s still stinky to us.

It was an okay movie, and I did enjoy a couple of scenes. But would I watch it again? NO!

I had high expectations for Splinter, especially since it was an independent horror film, but I’m not going to use that as an excuse to give this film any credit. Camera work was good and steady and casting was okay. But in the end it was just another, “seen that, done that horror flick”. Director Toby Wilkins should stop watching Evil Dead II and get some new writers with some original ideas. I dont like seeing my favorite movies get chopped  and served up as their own. Just because you know how to use a camera and recite every line word for word from Dawn of the Dead doesn’t mean you’re qualified to shoot a flick. You still need some talent and a good story.

Facts:

• Severed hand was ripped off from Evil Dead II
• There aren’t a lot of people in this movie
• It has a gas station
• Splinter creatures move basically the  same way as the Facehugger from Aliens
• It has a criminal, a hottie, a biology grad student and zombies.

Plot:
Trapped in an isolated gas station by a voracious Splinter parasite that transforms its still living victims into deadly hosts, a young couple and an escaped convict must find a way to work together to survive this primal terror.

Tagline:
It will get under your skin. -Yeah right it will, not so fast.

Final Words:
Don’t take my word for it,  go ahead and rent this flick when its available on 04/14/09. I like reading reviews but I dont decide based on what i read. Everyone should decide for themselves if it’s a good movie or not.